A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
