Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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