OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
