she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize