You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
