so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
