Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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