WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
