I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
