I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
