i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
