so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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