Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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