I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
