Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
