my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
