tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
