i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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