You don't have asthma, your pregnant
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Houston, we have a blender
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
