What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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