Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
