you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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