Plan B is the new Plan A
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
