I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
