it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
