Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
