I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
