I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You dont lie about slip and slides
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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