K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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