Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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