I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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