I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
