So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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