If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
