The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was confusing and full of hummus
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
