It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
