i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Duck Duck Cougar?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
