i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
