cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
