i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
