did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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