we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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