There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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