You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
