I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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