I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
