I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
