I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
