remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
