another moral hangover. fuck.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Even my vagina gasped.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
