The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Congratulations! We have a period
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