i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
