Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
