I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Mom said you looked used
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
