wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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