i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
