dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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