Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
