I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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