Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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