apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
