I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
