so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
