5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
