He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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