Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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